Why do some women who have been raped carry the trauma with them for many years, while others are less affected? Several variables may be involved. For example, a rape victim who is married and older will probably be less affected than a young woman or girl. Logically, the more experience a woman has had with sex, the lower the likelihood of severe trauma. But another key variable is apparently also at work here – the orgasm fantasy. A woman who is more connected to her sexuality and cognizant of her orgasm fantasy will probably be less affected than a woman who is repressing this fantasy. The repression could have more severe consequences when the orgasm fantasy involves rape, humiliation, masochism etc. The rape experience is especially difficult when the woman feels that something threatening from her unconscious is actually happening right before her eyes. The guilt feelings that we so often encounter in the wake of rape, and which may remain with the rape victim for many years, are related to her feeling that in some hidden private way she wanted it to happen. Women who have other non-masochistic orgasm fantasies would probably be less affected by rape because there would be no overlap between the rape and their orgasm fantasy. The psychological harm to the rape victim who has a masochistic orgasm fantasy (which many women do) of which she is unaware could take the form of a narrowing of her personality. Henceforth, she will be afraid to use her imagination, which constitutes very serious damage.
The conclusion to be drawn is that in cases of rape, sexual abuse, incest, etc., it is important to try to help the victim figure out, difficult as it may be, and with all due sensitivity, what her orgasm fantasy is. Of course, it must first be clearly explained to her that rape is a very serious crime that has no connection at all to the victim’s orgasm fantasy. Even if her orgasm fantasy involves rape, degradation or something similar, it doesn’t mean that this is what she wanted and would have chosen. Everyone has all kinds of nighttime dreams and daydreams and it doesn’t mean that he or she wants them to come true. There are no forbidden thoughts, only forbidden acts. But for someone who has been sexually attacked, knowledge of her orgasm fantasy can release this repressed material and, along with it, also free the woman from guilt feelings and from the impulse toward a narrowing of thought. She need no longer be afraid to play with her thoughts, to be creative and imaginative. The closer people are to their orgasm fantasy, the more resilience they will have in the face of sexual abuse and rape.
One patient had an orgasm fantasy in which she was being raped in front of a crowd in a public place. She had never been raped, but both her parents were rather aggressive and imposing. She was afraid to sleep with her boyfriend and became filled with anxiety at the very idea. The boyfriend was warm and affectionate and for a year he did not pressure her to have sex. Gradually, the young woman was able to overcome her trauma and have sex with him. Each time before they had sex he would soothe and reassure her. Only when she was calm could she engage in her orgasm fantasy of rape and reach satisfaction. The ritual in which he soothes her because of her orgasm fantasy so that she can imagine it out of a sense of playfulness and security illustrates once again the emotional complexity surrounding this important fantasy. Indeed, in order to play with fantasies, one needs to feel secure in knowing that it is just a game.