Sharing your love fantasy with your partner can feel deeply vulnerable.
You’ve finally discovered this fantasy for yourself — but now the question arises:
Can you reveal it to someone else? Even to your partner?
You may feel that this fantasy is somehow deviant, or fear that your partner will reject it — or worse, reject you.
But here’s the truth: when a partner accepts your love fantasy, they are accepting a part of your personality that many people feel ashamed of.
Such full and unconditional acceptance creates a powerful sense of closeness, deep gratitude, and love.
And when you share this fantasy, you’re often opening the door for your partner to share theirs in return.
Now it’s your turn to receive their inner fantasy with the same fullness and warmth. That act of mutual acceptance will deepen their love for you.
Understanding the dynamics within both this fantasy and your partner’s can reveal powerful aspects of each of your personalities — patterns that tend to replay themselves in your daily, spontaneous interactions (as explored in the book The Love Fantasy).
When you understand those patterns, you’re far less likely to project hurtful assumptions onto your partner. You’ll understand the source of their behavior — and their emotional world.
How to Share Your Fantasy?
You can begin with a short series of questions to gently explore how ready and willing your partner is to hear — and share — a love fantasy:
- Would you like to know what my love fantasy is — the one that excites me more than anything and brings me deep satisfaction?
- Do you know what your own love fantasy is — the one that excites and satisfies you most?
- If you do know it, would you feel comfortable sharing it with me?
- Do you understand that this is only a fantasy — not reality? Like a dream we cannot control. Just as no dreams are forbidden, no love fantasies are either.
There’s no such thing as a “bad” or “wrong” love fantasy — and certainly not a deviant one. All love fantasies are legitimate. - Can we overcome the barrier of shame — together?
- Do you see how this kind of sharing can bring us closer and deepen our love? I’m revealing the most intimate part of myself — and you’re doing the same. This is what full acceptance looks like.
- Did you know that in our spontaneous behaviors, we often repeat and re-enact the kinds of relationships that appear in our love fantasies — which remain stable over time?
From now on, we’ll understand each other more deeply. And that will strengthen our love.
If you and your partner have shared your love fantasies, you’re invited to move on to the “Play” stage.
If not, take your time — come back to it when you feel brave enough.